The reason why I related so much to this particular contradiction and example is because I am going through the same thing with my current boyfriend. He wants to be part of every aspect of my life and I can see that he just wants to be with me more, but I think there are certain areas of my life that he doesn't need to be involved in. I have always been a very independent person so it was hard for me to adjust to being with him and doing things together regularly. I feel like there are times when he smothers me too much and wants to be around me every minute of the day. For example, there was one week when we saw each other every single day which was weird because we both have busy schedules and usually only see each other on the weekends. Even though it was nice to finally spend time together, I felt like I was becoming one of those friends that I never see because she's always with her boyfriend. I know I should be grateful that he's such a good guy and constantly wants to spend time with me, but there are things that I do on my own and I feel like I have to be selfish sometimes to keep him from smothering me.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Relational Dialectics
Relational Dialectics is a theory that was created by Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery. Relational dialectics focuses on contradictions that arise in personal relationships. In class when we were talking about this theory, we watched video clips talking about the different contradictions both within the relationship and outside of the relationship. There are 6 contradictions that deal with integration & separation, stability & change, and expression & nonexpression that all take place in the relationship and outside of the relationship. The one contradiction that stood out most to me was the one from the popular show Friends. In the clip that we watched, Ross and Rachel are in an intimate relationship but Ross feels like he and Rachel are drifting apart because he is not part of every aspect in her life. Rachel explains to Ross that she likes to have him in only certain parts of her life and feels like he doesn't belong in other parts like work. This clip is a perfect example of the contradiction of connection & autonomy within the relationship.
The reason why I related so much to this particular contradiction and example is because I am going through the same thing with my current boyfriend. He wants to be part of every aspect of my life and I can see that he just wants to be with me more, but I think there are certain areas of my life that he doesn't need to be involved in. I have always been a very independent person so it was hard for me to adjust to being with him and doing things together regularly. I feel like there are times when he smothers me too much and wants to be around me every minute of the day. For example, there was one week when we saw each other every single day which was weird because we both have busy schedules and usually only see each other on the weekends. Even though it was nice to finally spend time together, I felt like I was becoming one of those friends that I never see because she's always with her boyfriend. I know I should be grateful that he's such a good guy and constantly wants to spend time with me, but there are things that I do on my own and I feel like I have to be selfish sometimes to keep him from smothering me.
The reason why I related so much to this particular contradiction and example is because I am going through the same thing with my current boyfriend. He wants to be part of every aspect of my life and I can see that he just wants to be with me more, but I think there are certain areas of my life that he doesn't need to be involved in. I have always been a very independent person so it was hard for me to adjust to being with him and doing things together regularly. I feel like there are times when he smothers me too much and wants to be around me every minute of the day. For example, there was one week when we saw each other every single day which was weird because we both have busy schedules and usually only see each other on the weekends. Even though it was nice to finally spend time together, I felt like I was becoming one of those friends that I never see because she's always with her boyfriend. I know I should be grateful that he's such a good guy and constantly wants to spend time with me, but there are things that I do on my own and I feel like I have to be selfish sometimes to keep him from smothering me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
At first, when I read over relational dialectics, I honestly did not understand it until I did actually watch the Friends film as you mentioned. I realized among any relationship, there are some form of contradictions that need to be either appreciated or worked on to keep the relationship healthy and going. With that note,thanks for sharing your personal story to this theory. Funny enough, your story reminded me of the narrative paradigm theory because you were able to communicate your connection through narrative. This made me realize then that all these theories correlate one way or another to build what is communication. Other than that, relational dialectics is becoming an easier concept for me to understand. (Sidenote:I like your picture because for me, this theory is easier to comprehend through the intimate relationship perspective. Nice choice.)
ReplyDelete